"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal." Louis K. Anspacher, American playwright and director
Relationships are the wonderful manifestation of love and care that lie in the human heart. While a relationship based on the strong foundations of love and commitment grows every day, a relationship marked by traces of selfishness and disrespect for the other partner is equally scary. While you can't expect perfection from your partner, it is to be understood that a certain sense of belonging and care is mandatory for the relationship to thrive and blossom. Selfish behavior starts, when either of the partners is too much concerned with the physical and emotional needs of oneself, giving least amount of focus and thought about the other partner.
A selfish partner negatively dominates the relationship, by burdening the relationship with loads of expectations that are often based on illogical premise. A complete denial of feelings for your partner, who is supposed to be your 'better half' is nothing but serious selfishness. The gravity of the problem intensifies, when the suffering partner is unable to figure out the cause of such an irrational behavior of the selfish partner. Any talks and arguments about the degrading relationship is refuted by the selfish partner and the relationship seems to be on the verge of extinction. No doubt selfishness in relationships leads to addictive and damaging relationships.
Typical Signs of Selfishness
A sudden and unexplained change in the behavior of the partner is the first signal to some problems. A behavioral change can be due to various factors, like stress or job pressures, but it doesn't mean that the person is not responding to your queries and questions. The partner may stop receiving your call and may even ignore you at home by not talking to you, sleeping in another room and even skipping dinner or lunch with you. While, it is normal in relationships to have phases of ups and downs, it is quite a serious issue if the partner is completely ignoring you, as if you are non-existent.
Fights spice up relationships and to some extent, they are necessary, but the extent of ignorance and irrational behavior by a partner, is much more grievous, in case of selfish partners. It can also be the other way round; the partner may become too much concerned and start expecting a lot from you. Expectations are the necessities of relationships, but the fine line dividing expectations and over-expectations is easily crossed by selfish partners.
Overcoming Selfishness
You need to do is to consider the other person's thought and feelings, before you take some extreme steps. Some ways that can strengthen your relationship have been mentioned below.
It's all about Right Communication!
The number one killer in most of the relationships is lack of communication. When both partners are unable to communicate their desires and expectations to each other, it opens the gateway for negative traits like frustration and anger to enter the relationship. Right communication is the key to sort out any issue, before it becomes a problem. Never hesitate to speak to your partner. The very premise of relationships is to share each others life. If you encounter a situation, where there is a chance of misunderstanding, immediately clarify it with your partner. While, eyes are enough to communicate your feelings to your partner, it is best to use words, when both of you are in a bad temper! Remember, the mantra is to express yourself effectively!
Mutual Trust Matters!
Trusting a partner is something that is vital for every relationship. Selfishness strikes a relationship, when there is no trust. It is only after trust is broken that both partners start looking out for themselves. If you don't trust your partner, it obviously means you are in the relationship for wrong reasons and if not fixed in time, the relationship is destined to break up. So, water the garden of your love, with trust and commitment. Even if arguments and skirmishes occur, try not to blow things out of proportion. Stop being rude to your love. After all, you both love each other!
Shower Sweet Words!
The joy of loving and being loved in return, is the most exhilarating feeling in the world. Selfishness in marriage is often attributed to the fact that after certain time in marriage, couples start taking each other for granted. A simple 'I Love you honey' can keep the spirit and love for years, but in the humdrum affairs of life, love is somewhere lost in life. For the newbies in relationship, it is essential that you appreciate the things that you love about your partner and mention them truly. Being fake won't carry on, in a long run relationship. Genuine appreciation makes the person feel happy. We all need attention; in fact, it's a human desire to be loved, appreciated and cared. So, don't let the spark die. Be yourself with your partner; never pretend to be what you are not and selfishness in relationships would never occur.
Stand for Yourself!
Love, in itself, has some mystical power that it consumes the person totally. The eyes of logic and rationality disappear from life. If you are a partner suffering serious issues in your relationship and the only reason, you are in this relationship is because you love your partner and are still waiting for things to become better, then surely it's commendable. But how long will you suffer? Relationship is not about suffering, it's about sharing. Stand up for yourself. If you have tried your best to get him/her on the track, but still the situation seems hopeless; there seems no point in staying in the relationship and hurting your inner self. Feel proud that you did your best and get out of it. Life has something better in store for you! Start creating your life again! It's stupid to stay with someone who cares least about you. Don't suffer for the wrong reasons; you are not meant for that! Move on!
Selfishness mostly, occurs if the partner is in the relationship for wrong reasons; but if love is the essence of your relationship, then selfishness is almost impossible to exist. However, every healthy relationship is not completely devoid of selfishness. Remember:
"You can never truly love anyone else until you love yourself. Until you really love yourself, your love for others is purely selfish. It is an attempt to fulfill the missing part of you with whatever you enjoy about them. Therefore, I cannot trust others who don't love themselves to truly have my best interests at heart." Danielle Marie Crume, writer